Friday, 10 September 2010


I saw a vlog by a writing hero of mine called Jackson Pearce a little while ago. In it, she pondered the question:

If my books hit the bigtime and I became one of those NYT Bestselling authors....what would I do?

This, I'm sure you'll agree, is an intriguing subject. I mean, yeah, in my case it's about as likely to happen as getting struck my lightning. Five times. On a Tuesday. While wearing yellow. But still, it's fun to imagine, right? So here is my illustrated list of the Five Things I Would Do If I Hit The Bigtime.

Get a tattoo. The phoenix has always been a special symbol to me - so much so that when the US hardcover of Daughter of the Flames came out, and it had a phoenix on that back, I actually cried. I would love to get a beautiful tattoo like the one above. The problem is, I live in a small town, and I've seen some famously dodgy and messed up tattoos. I'd want to make sure I had it done by a real artist. And if I hit the bigtime, I could definitely afford the time (and the cash) to do that. Yay!

Build one of these houses. They are bespoke designed for you so you can chose exactly how many rooms you want, the size of them and their layout. They cost around 40% less than a similar brickbuilt property, and are made from hand-carved, sustainably resourced oak. But more important than all that LOOK HOW PRETTY! *Snuggles catalogue*

Send a massive bunch of flowers to my ex-boss for making me redundant. Even though I was completely devastated at the time, and was filled with anxiety about my future, clearly it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would also send a card, and the card would say 'Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!' Not mature perhaps, but very satisfying.

Give a massive cheque to some of these guys. They do amazing work with no funding from the government in most cases, and are usually staffed only by volunteers. I salute you, Sirs.

Buy my entire Amazon wishlist and THEN READ IT. Oh, if only... The ironic thing about being a writer is that the reason you decide you want to write in the first place is because you love, love, love reading and books. Yet the more committed and disciplined you are about your work, the less time you seem to have for reading. Not just because of writing itself, but because of the business of being a writer - talking to agents and editors, answering business and fan emails, visiting schools and libraries, going to bookshops to talk up your new release and try to arrange signings. Writing blogs sucks up reading time too. A couple of weeks living in a luxury hotel with room service and the internet firmly turned off would work wonders on most writer's frazzled nerves, and reduce their TBR pile to zero.

And that is my Top Five. Although there's a few other things I'd do first, like throw a massive party for all my friends to thank them for being awesome, buy my mum and dad a house and put my dad into a private health scheme so that he could have treatment at home. But there were no cool pictures for those.

So, fellow writers...what is your Bigtime Five list?


natshannon said...

That tattoo is so awesome, i want to get a small tribal lily on the back of my neck but i'm afraid of needles and low on funds. Your list is nice, if I had the money i'd make sure my mum would be set for life too :)

Zoë Marriott said...

I know! I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to go for something quite that big, even if I had the money and had picked out the right artist. It would take hours and hours to do. But I'm determined to go for it one day (especially since my mum and sister always tell me I'll regret it forever - I'll show them!).

Jen the bibliophile said...

I'll tell you exactly what I'd do:

1. Pay off my student loans *school debt=miserable fun and a yelling hubby*
2. Put a down payment on a house that had my very own office with a door that locks and move out of my apartment that is WAY too small to fit its current occupants.
3. Buy as many books on my TBR list as I possibly could.
4. Buy some clothes that have no holes and actually fit
5. If there is any left I'd put it in savings. *If being the operative word*

In the Closet With a Bibliophile

Zoë Marriott said...

I know what you mean about your debts, Jen - they're always at the back of your mind, aren't they? But in this scenario, you're the next Stephenie Meyer and you have enough money for ANYTHING. You can definitely afford to do all the things on your list and then live off the remaining money for the rest of your days. Just imagine that for a moment and *feel* the stress flow away...:)

Jen the bibliophile said...

Zoe, it's funny you should say that, cause me and my sister joke about it all the time. I live 20 minutes from Stephenie Meyer in Arizona so me and my sis imagine things like that.

Buying a house for cash and not having to worry about all the stuff that goes along with not having much money. Having a ginormous library full of books - ceiling to floor. Sometimes though, I worry about things being worse with all that money. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just born to worry. Drat that!

In the Closet With a Bibliophile

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