THE BIGTIME FIVE

I saw a vlog by a writing hero of mine called Jackson Pearce a little while ago. In it, she pondered the question:

If my books hit the bigtime and I became one of those NYT Bestselling authors....what would I do?

This, I'm sure you'll agree, is an intriguing subject. I mean, yeah, in my case it's about as likely to happen as getting struck my lightning. Five times. On a Tuesday. While wearing yellow. But still, it's fun to imagine, right? So here is my illustrated list of the Five Things I Would Do If I Hit The Bigtime.

Get a tattoo. The phoenix has always been a special symbol to me - so much so that when the US hardcover of Daughter of the Flames came out, and it had a phoenix on that back, I actually cried. I would love to get a beautiful tattoo like the one above. The problem is, I live in a small town, and I've seen some famously dodgy and messed up tattoos. I'd want to make sure I had it done by a real artist. And if I hit the bigtime, I could definitely afford the time (and the cash) to do that. Yay!


Build one of these houses. They are bespoke designed for you so you can chose exactly how many rooms you want, the size of them and their layout. They cost around 40% less than a similar brickbuilt property, and are made from hand-carved, sustainably resourced oak. But more important than all that LOOK HOW PRETTY! *Snuggles catalogue*

Send a massive bunch of flowers to my ex-boss for making me redundant. Even though I was completely devastated at the time, and was filled with anxiety about my future, clearly it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would also send a card, and the card would say 'Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!' Not mature perhaps, but very satisfying.


Give a massive cheque to some of these guys. They do amazing work with no funding from the government in most cases, and are usually staffed only by volunteers. I salute you, Sirs.


Buy my entire Amazon wishlist and THEN READ IT. Oh, if only... The ironic thing about being a writer is that the reason you decide you want to write in the first place is because you love, love, love reading and books. Yet the more committed and disciplined you are about your work, the less time you seem to have for reading. Not just because of writing itself, but because of the business of being a writer - talking to agents and editors, answering business and fan emails, visiting schools and libraries, going to bookshops to talk up your new release and try to arrange signings. Writing blogs sucks up reading time too. A couple of weeks living in a luxury hotel with room service and the internet firmly turned off would work wonders on most writer's frazzled nerves, and reduce their TBR pile to zero.

And that is my Top Five. Although there's a few other things I'd do first, like throw a massive party for all my friends to thank them for being awesome, buy my mum and dad a house and put my dad into a private health scheme so that he could have treatment at home. But there were no cool pictures for those.

So, fellow writers...what is your Bigtime Five list?