Monday, 19 July 2010


They deactivate your broadband accounts for no reason.

They delete the email addresses which you've been using for nine years without warning.

When you phone them up to complain about this, they say it will take seven days to fix, and in the meantime anyone who tries to email you will get their message bounced back to them.

When you tell them this is unacceptable, they tell you 'you need to be patient'.

When you ask why you should be patient when this was not your error, and ask to speak to a manager, they tell you there are no managers available.

When you persist, they say a manager will call you back in ten to fifteen minutes.

No manager ever calls.

When you call back, they will keep you on the phone for about a hour trying various things to fix your problem, then give up and tell you that, although they can 'reinstate' your broadband, the email will probably take another few days to sort out. And there are still no managers available to speak to. They offer to set you up a temporary email address so you can email your friends to warn them.

After you have hung up, the temp email address is found not to work.

Finally, during this entire process? The knowledge of the words that you were meant to write today will be itching at you like fire-ants, and the realisation that you've wasted a day trying to fix something that wasn't your fault, and that you are now behind on your word target will feel like acid poured on fire-ant burns.

And this - this, my pretties - is why Richard Branson will burn in Hell. BURN I TELL YOU.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to set up a gmail account.


Anonymous said...

High five, Zoe!

It's a sympathy high-five. I seriously think one day I will have a heart attack from the fury induced by being routed in circles of recorded messages or idiot operators who deliberately misunderstand you and patronise you and tell you it was all your fault and ARGH I SPIT ON THEM.

My working theory is that it's the universe's latest preferred method of assassination.

Zoë Marriott said...

Thank you. I'm going to have to call them up again on Monday because they STILL haven't reinstated my account (the last person I spoke to said it would be done by Tuesday night. Ha ha blooming ha) but this time I intend to wait until I've hit my word count for the day. Once you've had the will to live sucked out of you, the will to write is straight behind. Grrr.

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