ME, GETTING READY TO GO SHOPPING
Writer: Eggs. Pot Noodles. Fish fingers? Hmmm.
Writer: (mumbles) wait a minute...just got to finish this shopping list...
Character: never mind the shopping list! This is far more important than bread and potatoes!
Writer: (mutters) Oh, that's right, we are running low on bread.
Character: PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
Writer: (startled) What! What?!
Character: I've just been reading your day's work, and you've not shown everyone how good a swimmer I am yet! They're not going to believe the next scene unless you do, and I don't intend to be scoffed at. Go back and fix it.
Writer: (muttering again) Show how good this character is as a swimmer...maybe with some sort of competition...
Character: No, you imbecile! I'm not that type of person at all! It'll need to be something casual, like if everyone's bathing at the river!
Writer: Ooh! Yes, right, right, I've got that. (Swiftly turns shopping list into scribbled notes about swimming scene). Oh, while you're at it, would you like to tell me a bit more about how you're going to react when you find this secret out about the other character? (Pauses). Hello? Are you there? Damn. (Pauses) Oh, no, my shopping list!
Character: Heh heh heh.
MY FRIEND'S VERSIONCharacter : I'm not getting a chance to show what I can do - no I don't mean a sex scene - show me winning a fight!
Writer: Oh, but unless it advances the plot then I don't...
Character: You can work it in somehow. Otherwise it's not faiiiiiiir.
Writer: (Weakening slightly) What sort of fight?
Character: Swords! The gentleman's weapon!
Writer: Swords. Yes, that could be cool. I'll see.
Character: And - and -
Writer: No 'ands'. Shut up.
Character: It's not faiiiiiiir....