A QUESTION OF GENRE

Hello, Dear Readers. Another reader question today, this one from blog commentor Astri:

I have a wondering: do you ever plan to write some kind of fiction that is not fantasy? And if so, would you change publishers/agents/etc. or that isn't how it works? Also do you know what you would work on once you're done with the Name of the Blade books?

This is a good question. Honestly, almost all the ideas I have seem to come with some kind of fantasy twist - my brain must be hard-wired that way. I've had a couple of what I would call contemporary ideas, but normally after I've thought about them for a bit, trying to find the emotional heart of them, the sort of life spark that would make me fall in love and really want to write them, I find that either they reveal hidden fantasy elements, or they sort of die off in my head for lack of that spark.

I wouldn't rule out writing a contemporary novel, if an idea came that had a real spark of life, that just begged to be written. In the meantime, I have plans to write lots of different kinds of books within speculative fiction. I've already written high fantasy and urban fantasy, and hope to continue to do that. But I have ideas for a paranormal romance, a Utopian novel, and a pure science fiction space opera. So... plenty of variety from me in years to come! 

The book I'll probably be working on directly after The Name of the Blade trilogy is going to be another fairy tale retelling. It's based on Beauty and the Beast, and as with my take on Cinderella, I definitely aim to shake up the traditional archetypes of that story, and subvert, invert, or question many of the classic tropes attached to it. This book will be set in the same world as Shadows on the Moon, but with a very different setting and heroine.

Now, if I did come up with some fantastic idea for a contemporary murder mystery or a straight historical novel or a romantic comedy, this would almost certainly be fine with my agent and my publisher, so long as it was still a children's or a YA book. My publisher is a children's/YA publisher, and they're committed to publishing a variety of quality children's and YA novels across all genres. The same with my agent; she works exclusively with childrens and YA authors, across many genres and age groups. The only thing that would matter to them would be that the book was really good.

What would cause a problem for my agent and publisher would be if I came up with an idea that needed to be written for adults. That would be a quantum leap into a whole new world, and I'm not sure if my agent would take it on - I suppose she might, if she thought she could sell it, but it would by no means be a sure thing. If not, I might need to find a new agent to handle just the sale of adult books for me - and that new agent would need to find a new publisher for those books, since Walker would not be interested in them. However, I would still stay with my current agent and publisher for YA or children's books (because I lurrrve them).

I hope this makes sense, Astri!

If you've sent me a question and I haven't answered it yet, please don't worry. I still have them all, and will keep on ploughing through them one blogpost at a time :)

Read you on Thursday, my dears.

A QUESTION OF COUNTRIES

Hello, my ducky darlings! Welcome to Thursday, and another reader question which was left by Giora in the comments.

 "...my questions about your books are: Did any of your novel been translated to a foreign language and did you have a book event outside Great Britain?"

Let me take the last part of this question first. Sadly no, I've never done a book event outside the UK. Generally authors are too skint (that's poor, for non-Northerners) and lack the connections to set up book events for themselves, especially foreign ones, which are obviously more expensive because of the costs of travel and accomodation. Therefore almost all the events we do, with the exception of things like local school or library visits, or maybe local signings, are arranged between a publisher, who will pay the author's expenses, and a bookshop or conference or other venue which wants to invite the author to take part in a signing or reading or panel event in order to sell books and add value for their customers. The author doesn't really have any say in what events they do, or where those are, or even if they do events at all. It's all about demand from outside.

There are exceptions to this; some well off (usually bestselling) authors sometimes can afford to combine a research trip or holiday abroad with meeting fans in other countries, if large enough numbers of fans from those countries contact them to express an interest. Sadly, I am not one of these well-off authors, so my visits are confined to ones which are either arranged by my publisher, or very local.

If anyone ever contacts me to ask me to do an event in another country, and can afford to pay my expenses, I promise that I will be only too delighted to take them up on it. In fact, I keep my passport current in hopes that one day such a thing will happen to me. But I'll probably need to sell quite a few more copies of my books first.

Now, the first part of your question has a more cheerful answer, thankfully! Yes, several of my books have been bought by foreign publishers and translated into a couple of different languages. Shadows on the Moon and The Swan Kingdom, my two fairytale re-tellings, were both translated into Polish by Egmont Poland.

And my most recent high fantasy novel, FrostFire, has been translated into German by Carlsen Verlag and will be coming out in Germany at the beginning of October year.

Those are all the translations that my books have had so far, but I have fingers crossed that more will come in the future. If there are any non-English-language publishers are reading this, please feel very free to contact Walker Books!

I hope this all makes sense, Giora. Thank you for your question. See you all next week, honeys!

NEW STUFF!

Hello, hello, hello, and happy Tuesday, Dear Readers! I hope everyone had a productive weekend and, if you were lucky enough to glimpse the sun, that you made an effort to get out and soak a bit of it up (through properly applied sunscreen, of course).

Today I bring some updates. First of all, Book Two of The Name of the Blade, aka Darkness Hidden, aka The Sequel That Ate My Brain is FINALLY finished, approved and off to copyedits, whhooop! No more structural changes, no more arguing minute yet vital points of character motivation, no more asking myself and my editor 'Wait, does she know that yet?' no more waking up in the night in a cold sweat crying: 'What about the tone of the first scene in chapter three?!?' The ms will, of course, be back to me in no time at all, covered in precise and picky notes in red ink - but after everything it's taken to get the book to this stage, frankly, I care not at all not at all. Tee hee!

*Jumps in the air, clicks heels together*

Onto the next thing! Remember when I told you about this anthology, to which I had been invited to contribute, and mysteriously hinted about the story I was going to tell for it? Well, having spoken about it to both the anthology editor and my U.S. editor at Candlewick Press, I can now share a few more details.

I'm hoping to tell the story of a young Akira (from Shadows on the Moon); what her life was like, how she ended up dancing for the Moon Prince at the Shadow Ball, and what happened next. The working title for this story is 'Stormclouds Fleeing from the Wind', although that may change as I go on. I'm thrilled to be able to shed light on what's always struck me as an incredibly romantic and tragic backstory, which sprang from one of my all-time favourite characters ever. I know from talking to readers that many of you love Akira as much as I do, and are really keen to know more about her. So I'm also a little tense and apprehensive about writing this. It's a lot of pressure; Akira deserves the best. This has to be goooood.

I have a clear stretch of time from now until the 31st of October, when I'll be heading off to World Fantasy Con in Brighton, and I hope to get at least the rough draft finished before then. Wish me luck with it, my duckies.

Which brings me onto the next thing: The Name of the Blade Book Three! Soon (soon, my precious!) I will be able to concentrate my full attention and love on this trilogy ender which I adore sossososososo very much. I cannot wait. I've got just over 50% of this drafted and a very clear idea of how everything should proceed but still - wish me luck with that as well, OK? I left the ms at a really tricksy moment and I'm hoping I'll be able to enmesh myself back into it all again without too much rending of hair and garments. I normally find the middle and ending of a book much easier and more enjoyable to write than the beginning, but you know trilogies. They don't always follow the rules. And this is going to be pretty emotional to finish. You guys literally have no idea what... er. Hmmm. Spoilers. Never mind.

*Evil laughter*

Anyhoo, that's what-up with me. What about you? Share in the comments!

A QUESTION OF MOVING ON

Hello, my little muffins! Happy Thursday. Today I'm starting on the stack of reader questions which I've been feeling guilty about for the past several weeks, with a question that came as part of a lovely reader email.

Sadly, being an absent-minded professor (only, like, not a professor) I didn't make a note of the writer's name and now I can't find the email either. Yes, I'm just that awesome. I'm so sorry, Nameless Emailer! I hope you will see this reply despite my peerless incompetence. Many apologies.

My problem is: in 2011 I wrote an urban fantasy, my first completed novel, and then proceeded to edit and rewrite it until I thought it was ready for submission. I began submitting it last June to over 50 agents both in the UK and US, and got a few nibbles at it, but it was ultimately rejected. Since then, I completed two other novels which I don't think are commercially viable for agents to consider, nor do I think they are good enough concepts to warrant me spending a lot of time rewriting and reworking. I haven't had much inspiration lately, and I'm always second-guessing myself with new projects, but my mind always comes back to my first novel and its world. I love it so much, it's everything I would want to read in a novel. Do you think it's worth me rewriting it from scratch and submitting again, or should I work on new material?

Let me tell you a story, my Nameless friend. A story about a little book I called Blood Magic.

It was my very first completed YA novel. More than that, it was everything that I had ever wanted to read in a YA novel; the culmination of all my hopes and intermost dreams. It was full of amazing stuff. A main character who was plagued with incredible magical power that seemed to destroy everything she loved, and which automatically condemned her to death if anyone discovered it. A sort-of-Regency-style kingdom with a rich history that included a terrible civil war and the persecution of people with this particular kind of magical gift (Blood Mages). A sort-of-steampunk kind of magical technology developed by commoners which had cool brass gadgets and sparks. Love. Heartbreak. Kidnapping. The heroine fighting - and defeating! - bad guys while naked, with throwing knives. Epic battles. Political intrigue. A morally grey villain and a vile, He Must Die villain. Themes of self-sacrifice, redemption, and self-acceptance.

Even thinking/writing about this book now (ten years later!) some scenes still stand out so clearly in my memory that they seem to glow with a kind of jewel-like beauty. The scene on the river bank, where tumbled stones glinted gold with lichen in dappled sunlight. The tense first confrontation between a wounded heroine and the morally ambiguous villain, who almost convinces her of his cause. The agonising creep through a narrow, pitch-black crevisse deep in the mountains. The moment of supreme suffering and sacrifice where the heroine thinks she has lost everyone she cares for. The miserable return to an embattled city, carrying a mortally wounded prince under black silk banners that snap in a fierce wild. I still feel exactly the same excited little tingle in the pit of my stomach when I think about those characters as I did almost ten years ago.

I was firmly convinced that Blood Magic was exactly what children's literature had been waiting for. I just had to get it into the right hands.

Accordingly, I submitted this book to every children's publisher in the UK over a period of a year. I submitted it to over thirty agents. I even submitted it to two Australian publishers for good measure.

It was rejected by EVERYONE. I had some partial requests, some full requests, and some very nice rejections but in the end, everything came back to 'No'. It seemed like there was just no place on anyone's list for an ambitious debut novel from a complete unknown, a literary fantasy with a female hero and more than a hint of romance.

But after everyone and their great-uncle Bernard rejected Blood Magic, I wrote another book (The Swan Kingdom) that changed everything. It, too, was a literary fantasy with a strong heroine and a lot of romance, but crucially, it was a fairytale retelling. This was a niche which was just beginning to be explored in UK YA, and, after a bit of fast-talking on my part, it caught the imagination of Walker Books. Finally, I had netted an agent and a publisher. Success at long last! Hallelujiah!

Time passed, and I wrote another book, which also got a publishing contract (whoop!). But I never forgot about Blood Magic. I still loved it as much as ever, and I was still convinced it was as good as anything else I'd written.

Fast-forward to 2007. My first book's come out and been unexpectedly successful, the second one is edited and waiting for release, and my publisher loves me. Surely, it is the time for Blood Magic to make its comeback. My editor, who has worked with me on both my contracted books, will help the publisher (which had already rejected BM once) see that this book is worthy.

Obviously I re-write and revise the book. It means so much to be to get it perfect, that for the first and LAST time I get a beta-reader, a trusted friend, to read the book and give me feedback, and I act on everything she says. By the time I'm finished I know - know - that Blood Magic is ready and will soon find a home.

Guess what?

My editor rejected it. In a long phonecall (which I sat through mostly mute, frozen by shock and distress) he explained that the book simply wasn't up to the standard of my other work, even after all my revising. I had grown as a writer, developed, and got better at every aspect of my craft since I had come up with those ideas, those themes, those characters, that world. It showed. The basic bones of this book were weak. Publishing Blood Magic would be taking a step back. It would be letting my readers down, and damaging my newly minted reputation as an author. They couldn't, wouldn't do that.

I had spent about eight months of my precious time - and it was precious, because I was working full-time at my old office job - completely revising and re-writing a book which was never going to get published. I had loved it too much to be objective about it and realise that all those rejections weren't about the publishing world not being ready for my book. They were about me not being ready, at that point, for publication. My editor was right. Blood Magic wasn't good enough.

This is the last thing you want to hear, Nameless Friend. And you probably didn't expect to hear it from me because generally my writing advice can be summarised as 'Follow your heart and do what makes you happy'. But here it is: you need to let this beloved book book go.

You've half-heartedly worked on other things, but never fully committed to them because deep down inside you were sure that the book which would get you published was your favourite special book. But everyone in publishing has already seen this book. This book is already as good as you can possibly make it. These further revisions that you're considering may add a thin layer of new polish, but they will not alter the essentials, the bare bones, of the book which has already failed to find a home everywhere.

You are a different writer now than you were when you wrote your beloved book. You may not realise it now, you may not realise it for months or years to come, but you have grown and changed. Those other books you wrote, even though you didn't love them, have honed your skills and helped you grow as a writer. You are capable of so much more, so much better, NOW, than you were when you first came up with the idea for your beloved book. Your beloved book is the best you could offer back when you wrote it - but it's not the best you can offer the publishing world now. You may have the inklings of inspiration right now for the book which will achieve your ambitions. But you will never know if you keep clinging to beloved book this way.

Put your beloved book in a drawer (mental or physical) and tell yourself that it is off the table. Then turn all the passion and the love that you had for that book onto something new, something entirely different. No half-hearted placeholder books that you work on just to fill up the time before you can look at beloved book again. Search for something you love just as much, if not more, than beloved book. Something which can make a place for you in the publishing world that beloved book never could. It might take a while, and you might need to take some time off first to feed your brain with new books, music, films, and art, but eventually you'll find your new beloved book.

Who knows? Maybe in a few years time you'll have you'll have the time to pick beloved book back up again. But if you do, don't be surprised if in the meantime it's somehow become a different book, a smaller, less interesting book that lacks the fire you used to sense shimmering off the pages. I still love Blood Magic for everything that writing it and failing to sell it taught me. But I now realise that it was never meant to be my introduction to the publishing world - and I don't regret that at all.

RETROTUESDAY: BLOGGERS Vs AUTHORS

Hello, hello, hello, Dear Readers! How are you? What's going on? Yes, I am finally back after my nearly two week absence - which was a lot longer than originally anticipated - and I'm so sorry to have left you guys for that long. The neck and back issues melded with other issues, culminating in the hospitalisation of a family member (my uncle) who has now very sadly passed away. Yesterday I realised that with the way things were doing, I could quite easily end up leaving the blog un-updated for weeks, or even forever, if I didn't pull myself together and just jump back in with both feet. So I'm back. And hopefully the blog will now return to its regular schedule.

Before I go on, here's a link to a very thoughtful interview with me at the newish blog The Book Wars. This went up while I was mostly off-line. Thank you for inviting me over, Nafiza and Co.!

I still have all the reader questions that you guys sent me, and I will start work on replying to those hopefully later this week. Today, however, it seemed timely to bring out a post from the archives, because although I've generally been steering clear of my computer over the last fortnight, even I've noticed that there has been a LOT of The Internet Drama(TM) going on.

MY THOUGHTS ON BLOGGERS vs AUTHORS, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM

Today I'm doing that thing again. You know. The thing where I cast common sense and the wise advice of friends to the wind and venture onto a topic that anyone with half a grain of sense would treat like a canister of highly radioactive material (don't even go near unless there's some kind of life-or-death-Tom-Cruise's-furrowed-brow situation, and even then only while wearing a full hazmat suit and using mechanical pincers instead of your actual hands).

Today, I would like to talk about this whole Authors vs. Bloggers debate.

WHAT did you say?!

Disclaimer: I'm not attempting to be definitive here. I have no ambitions of Saying All The Things and single-handedly producing World Blogger/Author peace. I just have all these...feelings. You know: conflicted, squirmy, put-you-off-your-icecream feelings, churning away inside, and I'll feel better if I spill them out onto the page. If you want clear-sighted wisdom, you might be better off seeking out the Dalai Lama, or perhaps Justine Larbalestier.

I'm also well aware that there are many bloggers and authors who may read this post with puzzled faces of adorable confusion and say 'Huh? I've never noticed any of this! Where's all this going on?' My post today is a response to things I've seen bloggers and authors talking about on various comment threads and websites all over the place, and to several recent incidents of Internet Drama(TM) that have blown up and then blown out again. If it's all Greek to you? Well done; you've successfully done what the rest of us wished we could and steered well clear of all the angst. Go on your merry way and ignore my convoluted ramblings with a light heart.

So. This debate. Let me break it down a little.

BLOGGERS & REVIEWERS

Right now we have this vibrant, thriving, book blogging community on the internet. It encompasses book-review sites like Goodreads and LibraryThing and people's own personal blogs, and participants  span the whole of the real world and might realistically be any age between eleven and ninety. This community loves to read, loves books, loves authors, and on the surface of things there really seems to be no reason why all of us shouldn't be skipping through fields of daisies together, holding hands and singing Justin Beiber's Greatest Hits (wait - is that kid old enough to have Greatest Hits? If not, we can just sing Kumbaya, I suppose).

But beneath the surface of the community there are deep divisions - essential differences in approach and philosophy which constantly cause dissent and even sometimes acrimony and hatred. In order to make sense of this, I'm going to talk about the two different kinds of bloggers you tend to find in the reviewing world (most reviewers, in reality, fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes - but this is just to illustrate my point).

Some bloggers regard authors and publishers and the whole book blogging world like this:

Let's all eat cake. And be friends!

They love to able to interact with and be taken seriously by people in the publishing industry. They regard it as a privilege to be part of this exciting and heretofore hidden, secretive world. They get excited about ARCs and swag and blog tours, and enjoy talking to authors personally. Generally these reviewers will have a positive attitude to books they review: they'll usually try to find something good to say, even if a certain book wasn't for them. They might only review books that they love and not mention any that they did not like or failed to finish. Or they may publish negative reviews, but view this as a sad, serious duty. They feel it's only right to treat authors and their work with a lot of respect, so they will, rarely if ever, employ snark or humour when they air their opinions.

These are the bloggers who are usually very happy to have an author for a chum, and who don't mind authors popping onto their blog and commenting on the reviews and features.

Bloggers on the other side of the divide look at publishing more like this:

Oooh, this is going to be fuuuun...

While still on the whole respecting authors and publishers, these guys take a more worldly view. They see the relationship between reviewers, authors and publishers not as a privilege but as a pragmatic arrangement, with all sides getting benefit from the exchange of books/swag and reviews/publicity. Some reviewers don't accept ARCs or swag at all because they feel like it encourages a sense of endebtedness that prevents them from being honest. They take their reviews seriously, but that won't stop them from snarking and using humour (including .gifs or photoshopped images) to make a point either in favour of or against of books which aroused strong feelings in them. If they feel that an author or publisher messed up in some way they will call them on it fiercely, and they post negative reviews without a blink. They don't believe it's their job to shelter an author's feelings by finding good things to say about their work: they believe it's their job to be completely honest and give readers their unadulterated, sincere reaction to books, even if they didn't finish them.

Bloggers in this camp tend to be wary of being too friendly with authors, and they feel a bit squinky and uncomfortable if writers pop onto their blogs and comment, even if the comment is positive. The author doesn't really belong there, to their mind.

Sometimes the most extreme of these two types of bloggers will clash because they have such opposing styles and ways of looking at the business they're dealing with. But the real reason why there's such a huge divide these days? Well, it's because of...

AUTHORS

Obviously it's a bit harder for me to be objective here! But I'll do my best.

Basically: writers are now more active online than they've ever been before, and publishers are encouraging us to interact with and form working relationships with bloggers in order to help promote our work.

Quite often writers end up grativating towards bloggers in the first group that I mentioned, just because those guys are the most receptive and the most likely to be happy taking part in blog tours, etc. They can form real friendships with bloggers (the ones that are fine with this) in the course of working with them on, say, an interview feature, and then talking with them at a blogger event, and tweeting and emailing back and forth for a bit. This is hardly surprising, since most writers are avid readers and - look at that! So are bloggers. They already have a lot in common. For an author, getting to know bloggers who like you and your work means that you suddenly have a whole network of new people in your corner.

But not all bloggers can be - or should be - your friend. Not all bloggers can - or should - like your work.

And this, in my purely subjective opinion, is where the crazy starts.

(N.B. I'm aware that there have been authors who had a mental breakdown over a generally positive three star review. But those guys are usually so obviously unbalanced that EVERYONE backs away with wary looks, including other writers. I don't think those people are materially contributing to the Us vs. Them mentality I've noticed - they are outliers. So let's move on).

Authors might be resigned (or tell themselves that they're resigned) to seeing negative reviews of their books. Reviews in which the blogger sadly admits that the story didn't work for them for some reason, that they couldn't empathise with the heroine or that historical fiction/fantasy/Dystopian just isn't the reviewer's bag. Those are the sorts of reviews that our blogger friends do occasionally write, after all. Reviews that the blogger is well aware the author and publisher may read, and which are sensitive to and considerate of the writer and publisher's feelings in consequence. Authors grit their teeth and mumble under their breath, but generally manage to avoid making idiots of themselves over reviews like these.

What writers are really not resigned to seeing, and what normally is the start of The Internet Drama(TM) is a different kind of review. One written by a reviewer who has no interest in what the author or publisher might think if they read it (the review isn't FOR them, after all) and who feels no reluctance about expressing their problems with or outright dislike of the book. A review that may (le gasp) snark, make jokes and outright mock the story. Possibly using .gifs of Tribbles humping.

Writers are not prepared for this. For someone making fun of their book like it doesn't matter. And so, often in a blaze of wild emotion, the author takes to their email or Twitter or Facebook and Says Stuff. They might just say 'Argh! I hate Teh Internetz today!'. They might take it further and make condemning comments about the quality of reviewers on Goodreads. They might go the full cray-cray route and provide a link to the review they didn't like. But in any case, the moment that the author responds to the negative review?

BATTLE HAS BEGUN

Straight away, people on the author's side of the divide will flinch from their pain and attempt to soothe them. And because this - authors publicly weeping over bad reviews - has now happened approximately 12,900,670 times before, and there's this sense of Authors vs. Bloggers online (why are bloggers so mean? Why do they have to attack books and rip them up like this?) their responses will usually be something along these lines:

'Oh, honey! It's OK, your book is wonderful! Just ignore that silly hater! Goodreads is full of trolls anyway!'

In their urge to reassure their friend, client, co-worker or fellow author, this person or persons have fired the first canon.

Reviewers, who, not surprisingly, are very active online, will catch wind of this. Word will spread quickly that YET AGAIN an author is dissing reviewers (surely not? Don't writers ever learn?). The link is RT'ed, posted on Goodreads, and suddenly reviewers appear on the scene defending their right to write honest reviews without being attacked and labelled a hater or a troll, thank you very much.

This skirmish will last for a bit. Then someone will attempt to pour oil on the troubled waters by offering some variant of:

'Why can't we all just get along? Why do we have to be mean to each other? Why can't we all just...Be Nice?'

Oh, look, that's not oil. It's lighter fluid. Whoosh!

Sometimes the author will calm down, look at this huge Internet Drama(TM) and apologise. Sometimes the furore will make them even angrier and the war will drag on and on and on until everyone's sick to the back teeth with it. But eventually the battle will finish and both sides will retreat to their own sides feeling bruised and battered and wondering: why does this keep happening?

And everytime, that Bloggers vs. Authors feeling just gets stronger and stronger.

The reviewers angrily ask themselves why writers can't get it through their skulls that reviews are for READERS not WRITERS. Why are they even reading reviews and hanging around on Goodreads to begin with if they hate honest reviews so much? Authors put their books out there for people to read and respond to - they presumably WANT readers to have strong reactions to their work. They don't have the right to just take it back and throw a tantrum when someone's reaction isn't all beatific smiles and gushy five star praise. Reviewers are consumers. They're the audience the writer is trying to win over! Why do so many authors think it's OK to treat their own customers like crap?

Writers angrily ask themselves why it's OK for reviewers to respond to an author's book, but not for an author to respond to the review. After all, reviews are for public consumption just as much as books are! If reviewers are all about honesty and freedom of speech, how come they come boiling out of their anthills to eat writers alive the moment one of them dares to mention their feelings about less than favourable responses to their work? Why do reviewers always automatically take a stance of hostility and hatred towards authors when authors dare to involve themselves in a debates about star ratings, or try to correct a reviewer who might have gotten their facts wrong? Aren't we all supposed to be part of the same community?

Well, OK. Let's tackle some of this stuff, shall we?

REVIEWERS: YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT

You guys are writing for yourselves, your friends, your blog readers. You're being honest, you're being passionate and yeah, you're having a few laughs: why the heck not? You shouldn't have to censor yourselves because you're worrying about the author's/agent's/publishers feelings. This is a business: writers/agents/publishers are supposed to be professional, and no matter how much their feelings are concerned with their work, that's not an excuse to act like a five year old whose best friend said their Play-Doh house was stoopid. It's especially not an excuse to mobilise all the other kids in the playground and wage a hate campaign against anyone who doesn't agree that the Play-Doh house is the best one-level soft sculpted domiciliary ever built.

You read a whole heck of a lot of books. You love books. You usually go in there excited and ready to be pleased. But sometimes you get sick of seeing the same crap repeated over and over in every crop of hyped up would-be-bestsellers. Misogyny disguised as romance. Designated Boyfriends and Passive Heroines. Horrible cliches. Bad writing. Predictable plots. Lack of diversity.

And no one ever admits this! YA writers (and agents and other publishing professionals) just don't seem interested in looking at their category as a whole and admitting that there might be problems there. If it weren't for you guys there would be no antidote to the hype-machine - and on a personal note, there have been times when finding a few snarky, honest reviews of a book that I thought was terrible, but which otherwise garnered only positive reviews, might just have saved my sanity.

All too often, when you guys try to discuss troubling trends or issues seriously, authors either play it off or turn on you. And then those authors hold grudges. Certain authors threatened to remember your name if you reviewed them badly, and do you harm further down the line if they could - and they then somehow tried to label this 'Taking the High Road'! And when you started asking yourselves if there was some kind of YA Mafia, Twitter exploded with YA novelists nearly peeing themselves with laughter and making jokes about horses heads and sleeping wit da fishes - but no one ever really addressed your concerns over the pettiness and sheer meanness of that Be Nice threat.

In fact, it seems like the whole YA industry is so concerned with this idea of Being Nice, of projecting an image of child-friendly harmoniousness, that no one is ever going to tackle the issues that lie beneath unless you do.

REVIEWERS: YOU ARE ALSO IN THE WRONG

But you know that oft-repeated phrase 'reviews are for readers, not writers'? Now, I can see where you're coming from with this, I really can. Unfortunately - I'm sorry, but...it's complete and total bull.

Seriously. Writers are readers. We read reviews all the time when we want to decide what books WE should read. We review books to our friends over dinner, we spontaneously tweet about how everyone should run out and get the book we just read because It. Is. So. Awesome. And let's not forget that bloggers with a different approach to reviewing send us emails of reviews they have written, or @reply us on Twitter with links. They *want* us to read them. Reviews are EVERYWHERE, yo.

There's this sense among certain bloggers (and some writers, even) that the best policy is for writers to put their fingers in their ears and sing 'la la la, I'm not listening!' when it comes to reviews. That we should wilfully pretend to have zero awareness that anyone's talking about us or our work - or anyone else's work! But not everyone wants to completely cut themselves off from critical discussions of books just because they got published. Many of us are able to read even quite snarky reviews of our own or our friends work without freaking out and creating An Internet Drama(TM). So please will you stop repeating 'Reviews are for READERS not WRITERS' all the time? You make me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I go looking for book criticism in order to learn from it. And I'm not. You're not my mommy and you can't tell me to stop hanging around on Goodreads if I don't want to, dammit.

Maybe most important of all: please, stop telling us how we should feel about reviews, OK? I understand that seeing newbie bloggers, and your friends (maybe even yourself) get attacked by authors and a hoard of their friends and yes-people over and over has made you feel so wary that now the second an author impinges on your personal space you hit out as hard as you can. But please just stop with that shizz about how 'authors should just get over this!' or 'authors shouldn't pursue publication if they can't take criticism' or 'writers should toughen up and grow a thicker skin', will you? If an author says that 3-star reviews make them sad, that's not them attacking YOU. That is them expressing their own feelings, which they are allowed to have.

When I saw a review trashing my most recent release for daring to feature a transgendered character I got cross and I vented to my writing group. I didn't mention the reviewer's name or link to them, and half an hour later I felt better and got over it. But I needed that half hour to be allowed to be honestly distressed and to get some sympathy, because I'm human. Reviewers don't always have to take every expression of an author's feelings about a bad review as an attack on them and their rights. What's more, you don't have the right to try and silence authors when they express their feelings about getting reviews: we're entitled to free speech too, so long as we're not trying to take yours away.

You don't have to Be Nice with me. You officially have my permission to BE NASTY about my books if you feel they warrant it (not that you need my permission). But don't tell me how to feel about that, please. If I want to read every buggering review ever written about every book I've ever published and then cry myself into a soggy snotty puddle on my teddy bear that is MY BUSINESS.

No, I shouldn't pop up on your blog and try to inflict equal suffering on you. But you shouldn't try to minimise my feelings or my right to have them, either. That's exactly what those authors did to you, so you already know it sucks donkey rear-end. Just stop it.

Did he say 3 Stars? MY LIFE IS OVER!!!

WRITERS: YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT

You guys are dealing with a heck of a lot of pressure when your book comes out, and I know that. You've dedicated hours, days, weeks, months and years of your lives to creating this story. You've more than likely made other sacrifices too - financial ones, ones concerning commitments to your friends and family. Your book is important to you and you know that it's the best you can do - your heart and soul is in there and you're allowed to want to know how people respond to it, and feel emotional about that. You're allowed to get angry when you see someone dismiss your heroine as a Mary-Sue when you are extremely-very-bloody sure she is NOT, thanks very much. Particularly when you look at the reviewer's other reviews and see that she calls EVERY female character this! AND SHE CLAIMS TO BE A FEMINIST!? How come the only books she reviews positively are ones written by men or with male main characters? What the Heck?

Sometimes reviews will even seem to be attacking you personally (maybe because they disagree with your stated religious beliefs, or don't like the other writers you hang around with online) or offering statements about your motives in making certain choices in your writing that are not only utterly unfounded but extremely insulting. You know you're not supposed to respond to this and, just barely, you manage not to.

But you are human, after all. So you go and vent a bit to a friend online, maybe on Twitter - and the next thing you know, everyone's wagging their finger at you like you were a toddler. It wasn't like you linked to the review or tried to call the reviewer out - you just said that sometimes Goodreads gives you a headache and you wish people would stop Mary-Sueing all over the place. Now there's a Goodreads thread about it and they're all putting your book on a Do Not Read list? Gaaah! Why do reviewers treat you like the enemy all the time? Do you really have to watch every single word you say?

You should be given a little more leeway to express yourself online if you want without being labelled A Bad Author. After all, you didn't give up your right to free speech when you signed a publishing contract, and if reviewers are allowed to express their feelings, you are too. Sometimes it's that or just explode in a messy heap of guts. It's funny that reviewers will condemn YA authors for not speaking 'honestly' about the work of other authors in their category (for example, if writers chose to only review books that they liked on their blog) but then get on their case when they're honest...about how bad reviews make them feel.

WRITERS: YOU ARE ALSO IN THE WRONG

Unfortunately, when you signed that publishing contract, you did become a paid professional, and that comes with certain expectations of professional behaviour. It might not seem fair, and often people who should be encouraging you to hold to that standard will act like it doesn't matter (for example, agents who have shown up on blogs or on Goodreads to 'defend' their clients work) but I'm sorry, it DOES. You have to act like a grown-up online. Cry and wail and get upset in private all you want, but don't take that internal upset online and try to hurt a book reviewer with it. Just what do you expect to achieve? They're not going to change their minds because you go and tell them off, are they?

And no, us writers can't complain that a review isn't 'professional'. Even if the writer of that review was unfailingly snarky and used comical .gifs of Tribbles humping to make our story a laughing stock. Because guess what? 99.99% of the time, bloggers are not professionals. They're not getting paid (no, ARCs don't count. They just don't! Look, if you don't get it, I can't explain). Reviewers do this for free, and while many of them take it very seriously, it is, effectively, a hobby. Do you expect Grandma Bessie to 'be polite and professional' when she takes part in her hobby of strip poker on a Wednesday night? I didn't think so.

And here's another truth that is spikey and hard to swallow. Unless a reviewer makes an ad hominem attack on you personally (something which is generally frowned on within all parts of the blogging community)? THEY CANNOT BE WRONG.

Shocking, I know. But think about it for a minute. There's no universe in which you dismissing someone else's feelings as worthless and invalid is OK. If someone reads five pages of your book and it made them so angry and infuriated that they refused to read another page and then wrote a three page long rant against it? They are right. Their feelings are theirs. You're obviously not going to agree with them (and Hell, if they're ranting because you didn't burn the gay character, maybe they're objectively out of their tree too) but that doesn't mean you're allowed to move into their reviewing space and attempt to erase their feelings from the internet. Especially not using a hastily gathered gang of pissed off friends and followers, as some writers have done. I'll put your book on *MY* Do Not Read list if you try and pull that crap.

The simple fact is that books are written to be reviewed. That's what Goodreads and LibraryThing are for. But reviews are not like books. Reviews are not written to be reviewed in their turn. Yes, they're put out there for public consumption, just like a novel, but bloggers don't ask you or anyone to pay to consume them. As you're an author, they'd probably rather you DIDN'T consume them. Just because there's a comment trail on that blog post or Goodreads review, that's not an invitation from the reviewer for people (including you) to come along and tell them they are wrong, wrong, wrong. Why are you intruding on this place, their place for reviews, with your not-a-review comments?

Go away and cry yourself into a soggy puddle of snot on your teddy bear if that's how you feel. You have that right. Ask for sympathy in non-specific terms - you have that right too. But don't be yet another author who starts a flamewar because they couldn't respond to criticism any other way than with public meltdown. Don't be yet another author who persecutes and devalues the very readers - the passionate, dedicated, searching for excellence readers - we should all be supporting and valuing the most.

Passionate readers are our friends! Snuggle them!

So what it comes down to is that I think we all need to ease our trigger fingers OFF our derringers and stop trying to make each other shut up all the time.

WRITERS: If you can't stand to read a negative review without going into public meltdown then stop reading reviews. If you can, and you want to, then do; but confine any comments you make in response to YOUR space and YOUR feelings, and never, ever, ever name reviewers or link to negative reviews or make obvious references to comments in reviews that will allow your friends or readers to figure out who you're talking about. Reviewers that get attacked because you called them out directly or indirectly will have every right to get a wee bit cross with you.

REVIEWERS: If you can't stand to see authors bitch about how bad reviews make them feel, unfollow them on Twitter or stop checking out their blogs. Writers are human too, and they are allowed to have and express their feelings in their own spaces on the internet, just like you. Unless they call you or a friend out either by name or in such a way that it's clear they're giving the reviewer's indentity away in order to cause a backlash against them, or they write darn stupid posts urging reviewers to stop being honest and start being 'nice'. Then you're free to go to war.

Other than that? Keep up the good work.

And those are my thoughts.

(Why yes, I have illustrated this entire post with images from Ouran High School Host Club. I thought it might lighten the mood.)

APOLOGIES

Hello, best beloveds. Today I bring you disappointment and despair - I'm so sorry, but there will be no posts this week (well, apart from this one, which is kind of rubbish, and more apologies for that).

Explanation: About ten days ago I cleared out my father's medical shed, where all his dialysis supplies are stored, and felt a wee twinge in my lower back. Then the next day I was changing the sheets on my bed, turned to pick up a duvet, and transformed the twinge to agony. AND THEN (oh yes, this story is only just beginning) I took my dad to the hospital for some tests, and since he can't walk very far I needed to push him in one of those Godawful, metal porter's chairs. My back was killing me. I tried to baby it, which meant I was pushing and turning the unwieldy chair with my upper body and arms. That was a mistake. The next day I woke up in agony, my neck and shoulders feeling as if someone had replaced all the tendons with burning hot wires and the muscles with slabs of concrete.

I've been trying to soldier on all bravely, popping anti-inflammatories and applying heat to all the injured bits, but yesterday I accidentally brushed against a hot radiator, which I had turned on because I was hanging up clothes to dry (yes, I was doing laundry, even though I couldn't raise my arms above chest height) and as I instinctively jerked away SOMETHING ELSE went pop in my back.

I am typing this from a horizontal position on my bed. My laptop is lying on my stomach. Not a good typing position. Especially since the fans are whirring and it's rather warm. I also have a hot-water bottle and a heating pad underneath me, pressed to my neck and back. It's a boiling hot summer's day, my entire spine is weeping red-hot tears of pain, and I may melt at any minute. I am... uncomfortable. And unhappy. And I cannot type many more paragraphs without bursting into years.

Forgive me. Hopefully things will start to hurt less soon (very soon. Hopefully. Yes) and I will be back next week. I know I promised to answer questions - I have them safe, and I will get to them as soon as I can. You may also catch me on Twitter a little bit, since 140 characters is about the limit of my creativity right now.

In the meantime, prayers, sacrificial offerings to the Gods of the Lumbar Region, and any lucky shamrocks anyone may like to dedicate to the cause of my back/neck would be much appreciated.

I love you, guys. Care take. Especially of your spines. Trust me: you will miss them when they are gone.